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Choose Your Words
A certain good woman one day said something that hurt her best friend of many years. She regretted it immediately, and would have done anything to have taken the words back. But they were said, impulsively, in a moment of thoughtlessness, and as close as she and her friend were, she didn’t consider the effects of her words before hand. What she said hurt the friend so much that this good woman was herself hurt for the pain she caused. In her effort to undo what she had done, she went to an older, wiser woman in the village. Explaining her situation, and asked for advice. The older woman listened patiently in an effort to determine just how sincere the younger woman was, how far she was willing to go to correct the situation. She explained that sometimes, in order put things back in order, great efforts must be made.
She then asked: “Just what would you be willing to do, to repair the harm done?”
The answer was heartfelt. “Anything”
Listening to her, the older woman, sensed the younger woman’s distress, and knew she must help her. She also knew she could never alleviate her pain by living her life for her, but she could teach, if the younger woman would first listen, and then learn. She knew the outcome would depend solely on the character of the younger woman. She said, “There are two things needed to do to make amends. The first of the two is extremely difficult. Tonight, take your best feather pillows, and open a small hole in each one. Then, before the sun rises, you must put a single feather on the doorstep of each house in town.
When you are through, come back to me. If you’ve done the first thing completely, I’ll tell you the second.”
The young woman hurried home to prepare for her chore, even though the pillows were very dear to her, very expensive.
All night long she labored alone in the cold. She went from doorstep to doorstep, taking care not to overlook a single house. Her fingers were frozen, the wind was so sharp it caused her eyes to water, but she ran on, through the darkened streets, thankful there was something she could do to put things back the way they once were. Finally, as the sky was getting light, she placed the last feather on the steps of the last house. Just as the sun rose, she returned to the older woman.
She was exhausted, but relieved that her efforts would be rewarded.
“My pillows are empty. I placed a feather on the doorstep of each home.” Now, said the wise woman, “Go back and refill your pillows. Then everything will be as it was before.”
The young woman was stunned. “You know that’s impossible! The wind blew away each feather as fast as I placed them on the doorsteps!! You didn’t say I had to get them back!! If this is the second requirement, then things will never be the same.”
“That’s true”, said the older woman. “Never forget. Each of your words is like a feather in the wind. Once spoken, no amount of effort, regardless how heartfelt or sincere, can ever return them to your mouth. Choose your words well, and guard them most of all in the presence of those you love.”
Author Unknown
Somethng Nice To Say…
If you don’t have anything nice to say.
An aspiring Yogi wanted to find a Guru. He went to an Ashram and his
preceptor told him, “You can stay here but we have one important rule:
all students observe Mouna or a vow of silence. You will be allowed to
speak in 12 years.”
After practicing for 12 long years, the day came when the student could
say his one thing or ask his one question.
He said: “The bed is too hard.”
He kept going for another 12 years of austere discipline, meditation
and silence and finally got the opportunity to speak again. He said: “The
food is not good.”
Twelve more years of hard work and he got to speak again. Here are his
words after 36 years of practice: “I quit.”
His Guru quickly answered: “Good, all you have been doing anyway is
complaining.”
The Delicate Art Of Communication
When a wife repeats herself over and over again, it doesn’t mean she didn’t hear her husband’s response the first time. Rather, she is trying to discharge the emotional tension that has built up in her heart. Wives in the best marriages say that even though they have struggles, they can communicate with their husbands. What makes a marriage boil? Words, affection, interest, time, and willingness to listen-really listen. We each fear criticism from our closest companion. It is tantamount to rejection.
Learn to avoid “You” statements and “Why” questions. Instead, make “I feel” statements. Then both of you will feel safe.
There is no greater loss than the right advice given at the wrong time. It can be taken as a general rule that when your opinion is not asked for, is not wanted.
The wife will never connect her heart to her husband’s heart if he only speaks to her through his head. Discussing facts enables you to connect at the head level. Discussing feelings enables you to connect at the heart level. Connecting at the level of the head will get the task done, but only by connecting our hearts to each other can we become the intimate soul mates we dream about.
Two Part Harmony, by Patrick & Patsy Morley
A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger. Proverbs 15:1